It’s always a difficult time when a marriage ends. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted or the reason for parting ways. You planned your life around this other person and now your future looks very different from what you originally thought. This situation is made even more challenging if children are involved. Your divorce is shaping their futures. They may not completely understand your split and be resilient to the coming change. It’s important that you take care of yourself, so you can appropriately take care of them. Fortunately, there are ways of making this transition a little easier on everyone, even if your former spouse isn’t being the most cooperative. Here are a few tips that will help you and your family make this transition as seamlessly as possible.
A House to Call Home
Removing yourself from sharing physical space with your former spouse is the first step in making that transition. No matter what your financial situation is, going from a joint income to a single income can make buying a home more challenging, even if you will be getting a good amount of money in the divorce settlement. You’ll most likely need to take out a home loan in order to get the house that best fits your needs. In that case, make sure you’re looking for low rates for home loans. If your loan accrues interest quickly, the payment might quickly become unmanageable. Do your research and shop around for the best rate possible. Your bank account will thank you.
Proximity is Power
When picking a new home, location is very important. If you don’t have children, getting as far away from your ex is probably your best option. In that case, pick somewhere close to where you work. Make life easier for yourself than it ever was before. You might find having less of a commute is a huge relief. Something else to consider is your support system. If you find a lot of comfort with your best friend or your parents, move closer to them. When you need someone to lean on or share a meal with, they’ll be able to oblige. You aren’t a burden. It’s okay to need support sometimes.
Children Change Everything
On the other hand, if you have children, moving them to an unfamiliar neighborhood or school system might not be the best idea. Find a place to live that’s far enough from your partner that you feel like you can breathe, but close enough that your children can still easily hang out with their friends. If you have joint custody, this will make going back and forth a lot simpler as well. Make sure you’re paying particularly close attention to your children’s mental health during all of this.
According to adolescent mental health statistics, one in five teenagers suffers from at least one mental health disorder. A lot of change, coupled with their physical and hormonal changes could exacerbate an otherwise unnoticeable mental illness. Watching for signs of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse is crucial. Don’t be afraid to talk with your teen and even set up an appointment with a therapist even if they seem to be fine just so they have a neutral third party to speak to about the divorce.
Self-care is the Best Care
Your first impulse might be to stay as busy as possible to keep your mind off of your divorce. If that’s helping you cope, then do what works for you. That being said, it’s still important to slow down and take some time just for yourself. Psychology Today suggests taking at least ten minutes every day to do something for yourself. If you like taking walks, go take a walk around the block. If doing yoga is something that makes you feel connected to yourself, pull out your mat. Celebrate yourself and your journey, even when it’s difficult.
